I first met Maria when she attended FOCUS for Mothers (FFM) in May of this year. I remember very clearly that like most new moms involved with CPS, Maria’s emotions were all over the place. Anger, fear, and the feeling of being overwhelmed, to mention a few. From the very beginning, Maria was never shy. She was one of the most outspoken moms in the class, in a good way. Most moms that go through the FFM class, are quiet and just go through the motions, but Maria wasn’t like the other moms. She truly wanted to soak up and learn everything she could in our classes. If she didn’t fully understand something, she spoke up and asked. Her desire to learn and overcome her situation was very apparent. I witnessed how she took on many challenges during the 10 weeks of classes, such as not having transportation to get to work, having to work long overnight hours, fighting to stay sober, housing obstacles, as well as challenges with CPS, CASA, and the father of her child.
To me, it’s truly amazing to see how much a person can grow in just 10 short weeks. I would often speak to Maria outside class hours, giving her guidance as to how to communicate and navigate the CPS system. Most times she already had the answers and knowledge she needed, but sometimes she just needed a listening ear and a little bit of support. During the 5th week of class, I was beginning to see such an amazing change in her attitude. She was no longer the angry, frustrated, and fearful woman that I first met. She was now confident, hopeful, and showing so much promise in everything she was learning on this journey. She was now the inspiration to other moms in the class who were having a hard time. Her desire to continue learning ended with her returning voluntarily to the following session of FFM classes. Maria was now back as a beacon of hope inspiring other moms who were just beginning their CPS process and were full of fear, anger, and hopelessness as she once was. She wasted no time telling the new moms that they would get through this as well. I can’t emphasize enough the growth and wisdom Maria demonstrated as well as the hope and inspiration she provided to other mothers during her time in FOCUS. I am happy to say that Maria’s determination paid off. Even though there was a time that it was looking like CPS was not going to return her daughter, she held on, fought through, and eventually, she got her daughter back.
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During the first two weeks of class, this particular father was quiet, and generally speaking not too happy to be there, which is typical behavior and we expected. However, during the 3rd week, we get the fathers to talk about the influence their fathers had on them, whether it is good or bad, and how they might be influencing their children in the same manner. This is a difficult exercise for most and emotions tend to run high. It is also the week that most participants have “their breakthrough;” that moment when they realize that the FOCUS class can really help and benefit them. In this father’s case, it was no exception. I could see how his attitude was changing throughout the exercise.
The following week, at the beginning of the class, he asked if he could say something before, we got started. I said yes and the cowboy started telling everyone how the prior FOCUS class had him thinking about how his father was a good influence on his life but unfortunately, he wasn’t practicing what he had learned from his father with his daughter. He stated that he had not talked with his father in over ten years because of his bad choices, so he called his father and asked if they could meet. He didn’t sleep for three nights worrying that his father might not show up to the meeting or might turn his back on him. But his father did show up and accepted his apology and not only that, his father embraced him and hugged him. He was trying to hold back the tears at this point because he couldn’t remember the last time his father and he had hugged. At that point, the other men in the class stood up to show their support by either shaking his hand, putting their arms around his shoulder, and/or giving him a bear hug. Some even told similar stories and how that 3rd week of the FOCUS class had them analyze their own lives and relationships with their fathers. By the end of the 10-week class, the cowboy was a changed man. He was on speaking terms with the mother-of-his-child, and her family, and was on the road to reunification with his daughter. He was very proud to let us know at his graduation that learning to use his influence instead of trying to control others had made his life easier and he was a much happier person now. “When I first came to this class, I thought this was going to be another parenting class. I was like ahh man this is going to be boring, I’ve done these before, but it was completely different. They hit every subject I was going through, it was like they were reading my mind… they were really good, it was all about real life… not by the book. It was real, they thought me a lot… especially when it comes to boundaries, which helps in any relationship… it was a good class,” said a FOCUS for Mothers participant.
To the FOCUS Fatherhood,
Back in April 2022, I sent one of my CPS fathers to the FOCUS for Fathers program to take part in your services. When I first met Joe, he had no confidence and would shut down and run away at the slightest hint of a difficult conversation. Joe didn’t believe he had a strong role in his family, and he didn’t have many people that he could turn to for in-person support. In the time that he was with the FOCUS Fatherhood; I saw him flourish!! Joe softened up, became easier to talk to and more open. We went from kicking us (CPS) out of the house to sitting down and communicating with us as to what he wanted for his family, his hopes, and fears, and how he was struggling. He started to show more confidence and was excited to tell me about everything he was learning. He taught me the difference between control and influence and how he only has the power to control how he thinks and acts, not others. Not only did Joe verbalize what he was learning, he was demonstrating it as well with his wife and daughters! I witnessed more laughter between him and his wife, a stronger bond between him and his girls, and a happier and safer family. Joe always looked forward to his FOCUS classes and developed a bond with the other men there. I firmly believe that Joe has always been a good man, but I believe it was the FOCUS Fatherhood that helped him see that he was. I got a chance to watch a father and a family grow, and back in August, their CPS case closed with nothing but success!! I honestly don’t think we could have had so many positives in this case if it hadn’t been for the FOCUS for Fathers program. Fathers are greatly underappreciated, and it is comforting to know they have men like the FOCUS For Fathers’ facilitators to come alongside them, to build them up, and make our families stronger than before. Take care, Myers FBSS Specialist IV “This class helps you to learn more about yourself, to help you deal with anger issues, drug issues, and the baggage we been carrying around since we were kids. So, this class helps you learn how to deal with yourself, so you can deal with your kids and because of that it’s a great class all the way around. I’m becoming a better father and a better husband. My wife has already seen the change in me, and she loves it. We don’t argue near as much. I’ve learned to deal with my stress and my anger issues are gone. I know now that my anger comes from things in my past and I’m learning to let go of it… I didn’t even know it was there. This class helped me look at myself before I look at my kids,” said a FOCUS for Fathers’ participant. “I used to go off at my kids constantly, I did that because that’s what my parents did with me. They were always giving me a whipping, grabbing me, or something like that and I started to do the same things to my kids, and they didn’t need me in that way. I had to break that cycle. I would recommend this class to a lot of people because is not about your kids, it’s about you, we need to learn to deal with ourselves before you can deal with them. That’s just the way I feel about it.” |
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March 2024
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