​Mr. Goods was referred by another agency to our NewDay Services programs, FOCUS for Fathers, Mentor Navigation, Co-Parenting, and Relationship Skills. Due to conflicting issues between the mother of his child and himself, Mr. Goods was not allowed visitation with his son.          
 
Through Co-Parenting Coaching and ongoing Mentoring, he was able to develop a better relationship and better communication with the mother of his son. The mother and he began to focus more on co-parenting and what was best for their son.                                                                           
 
This resulted in Mr. Goods being allowed visitation and time together with his son. Therefore, for more father and son time, allowing Mr. Goods to be more actively involved in his son’s life. Now, he is involved in his son’s school activities and many other things such as traveling together, things that at one point Mr. Goods didn’t think were ever going to be possible.                                                                                                                                                                                   
After participating in our programs, Mr. Goods makes quality time with his son his top priority. And in return, it allows his son to have both parents working together in harmony with the common goal of raising their child in a safe and loving environment. 

​I will never forget the brokenness on this client’s face when she whispered my name with her head hung low and asked me to meet her in the hallway. This was particularly shocking as this client usually exhibited a bubbly personality. Once excluded from everyone she shared with tears in her eyes that she had recently been evicted and was living in her car. It is important to mention that she was also 7 months pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy. Needless to say, she felt embarrassed, helpless, and hopeless.
 
After celebrating her bravery and thanking her for sharing with me what she was going through, I encouraged her and told her that she would not have to walk through this storm alone, since she recently moved to Texas and did not have the support of family and friends to lean on. Based on her economic situation and impending delivery, we determined that a temporary to permanent shelter would be the best option at the moment until she gave birth. I was able to increase her protective factors, providing concrete support as I helped her secure placement at Union Gospel Mission. She was relieved to no longer have to live in her inoperable car.
 
Soon after, I received a phone call from her in which she explained that due to the constant drop in the baby’s heart rate, she had to be hospitalized. I went to visit her at the hospital to provide social support and coaching during this stressful time, understanding that the baby’s health was reacting to the adverse experiences the mom was facing. I shared with her how important it is to get enough rest and that she needs to focus on one thing at a time, among other things, which would allow her to have a healthy pregnancy and delivery. To my surprise, the baby was born the next day, one month premature, but healthy. I was able to further increase her social and concrete protective factors by providing her with donated clothing and diapers. She was shocked but very happy and grateful.
 
Two weeks after the baby was born, I was gifted with the opportunity of holding this sweet child in my arms. I held back the tears in my eyes because I understood that as a Mentor Navigator, I am also serving future generations. To this day, she still sends me pictures of the baby and each one sets me ablaze to continue serving these overcoming and extraordinary women. I am honored that she allowed me to lock arms with her with a mindset of “Let’s Do This Together.”

​
​Imagine having your baby born prematurely and having her in the NICU for over a month. Then CPS gets involved because the baby’s mother is struggling with mental health issues. Spencer had to deal with this as a new dad and at the time he was barely 22 years old. His beautiful daughter was only 1 month old at the time, and despite it all, Spencer was “all smiles.” All though he felt like he was on a sinking ship, he always kept a positive attitude.
 
In class, he seemed to absorb the material with ease learning along the way how to be the best father he could be. He learned a lot about proper discipline, how to stay in his circle of control and how to “honor” the mother of his child. Whenever he got the chance, he would bring his baby girl to class. She would be in her baby carrier and would be quiet (most of the time). Spencer’s mom was temporarily appointed the custodial parent; therefore, he was able to spend as much time as possible with her. Eventually, CPS awarded him full custody of his daughter, and the case was closed. This was one of the shortest cases I have ever seen.
 
The FOCUS for Fathers’ class was the only program they required him to take. On graduation night we extend an invitation to all the fathers/participants to come back and volunteer, this way they can support the new upcoming class. Spencer expressed an interest in coming back for two reasons. The first one was to absorb and learn more and the second was to come back and encourage the next round of participants. He wanted to help them make the necessary changes in their lives so they could be the engaged fathers their kids needed.
 
Spencer had a story to tell, he used to be an alcoholic. His parents had divorced when he was young and his grandmother, the only person he was really close to, passed away in 2016. He had overcome many adversities and he wanted to share his story with the hope that it would encourage other fathers to overcome their issues so they could truly emerge themselves in their kids’ lives.
He credits the FOCUS for Fathers’ class, his grandmother, and of course his baby girl with the motivation to change his life.
 
Spencer has become a very important part of our FOCUS for Fathers’ class. We have called him our class “mascot.” He has supported other fathers through ups and downs. His daughter had a serious life-threatening emergency and was admitted to Children’s Hospital in Dallas when she was 6 months old. I went and visited him and his daughter there at the hospital. It was amazing to see Spencer right next to her, without rest through many sleepless nights. I attended her one-year-old birthday party and watched her engorge herself with cake. I was there when his best friend was put in the hospital after getting run over by a truck while bicycling. Most likely I’ll be there for him as long as he needs me, as he is one of us now.
 
Spencer is well known throughout NewDay Services. At the time, the staff members wanted to meet him, so we invited his daughter and him to our 20th Anniversary Gala at the Omni Hotel. It was awesome to see him dancing with his baby girl. The smiles just kept coming.
 
So, he has faithfully served the Plano class now for 7 years. I have known his daughter who is now 7 years old since she was one month old. During one of our recent graduations, I presented him with a Volunteer Certificate that said “Mr. Spencer, FOCUS Ph.D.”

I first met Maria when she attended FOCUS for Mothers (FFM) in May of this year. I remember very clearly that like most new moms involved with CPS, Maria’s emotions were all over the place. Anger, fear, and the feeling of being overwhelmed, to mention a few. From the very beginning, Maria was never shy. She was one of the most outspoken moms in the class, in a good way. Most moms that go through the FFM class, are quiet and just go through the motions, but Maria wasn’t like the other moms. She truly wanted to soak up and learn everything she could in our classes. If she didn’t fully understand something, she spoke up and asked. Her desire to learn and overcome her situation was very apparent. I witnessed how she took on many challenges during the 10 weeks of classes, such as not having transportation to get to work, having to work long overnight hours, fighting to stay sober, housing obstacles, as well as challenges with CPS, CASA, and the father of her child.
 
To me, it’s truly amazing to see how much a person can grow in just 10 short weeks. I would often speak to Maria outside class hours, giving her guidance as to how to communicate and navigate the CPS system. Most times she already had the answers and knowledge she needed, but sometimes she just needed a listening ear and a little bit of support.
 
During the 5th week of class, I was beginning to see such an amazing change in her attitude. She was no longer the angry, frustrated, and fearful woman that I first met. She was now confident, hopeful, and showing so much promise in everything she was learning on this journey. She was now the inspiration to other moms in the class who were having a hard time. Her desire to continue learning ended with her returning voluntarily to the following session of FFM classes.
 
Maria was now back as a beacon of hope inspiring other moms who were just beginning their CPS process and were full of fear, anger, and hopelessness as she once was. She wasted no time telling the new moms that they would get through this as well. I can’t emphasize enough the growth and wisdom Maria demonstrated as well as the hope and inspiration she provided to other mothers during her time in FOCUS.
 
I am happy to say that Maria’s determination paid off. Even though there was a time that it was looking like CPS was not going to return her daughter, she held on, fought through, and eventually, she got her daughter back. 

​During the first two weeks of class, this particular father was quiet, and generally speaking not too happy to be there, which is typical behavior and we expected. However, during the 3rd week, we get the fathers to talk about the influence their fathers had on them, whether it is good or bad, and how they might be influencing their children in the same manner. This is a difficult exercise for most and emotions tend to run high. It is also the week that most participants have “their breakthrough;” that moment when they realize that the FOCUS class can really help and benefit them. In this father’s case, it was no exception. I could see how his attitude was changing throughout the exercise.
             
The following week, at the beginning of the class, he asked if he could say something before, we got started. I said yes and the cowboy started telling everyone how the prior FOCUS class had him thinking about how his father was a good influence on his life but unfortunately, he wasn’t practicing what he had learned from his father with his daughter. He stated that he had not talked with his father in over ten years because of his bad choices, so he called his father and asked if they could meet. He didn’t sleep for three nights worrying that his father might not show up to the meeting or might turn his back on him. But his father did show up and accepted his apology and not only that, his father embraced him and hugged him. He was trying to hold back the tears at this point because he couldn’t remember the last time his father and he had hugged.
             
At that point, the other men in the class stood up to show their support by either shaking his hand, putting their arms around his shoulder, and/or giving him a bear hug. Some even told similar stories and how that 3rd week of the FOCUS class had them analyze their own lives and relationships with their fathers.
             
By the end of the 10-week class, the cowboy was a changed man. He was on speaking terms with the mother-of-his-child, and her family, and was on the road to reunification with his daughter. He was very proud to let us know at his graduation that learning to use his influence instead of trying to control others had made his life easier and he was a much happier person now.

“When I first came to this class, I thought this was going to be another parenting class. I was like ahh man this is going to be boring, I’ve done these before, but it was completely different. They hit every subject I was going through, it was like they were reading my mind… they were really good, it was all about real life… not by the book. It was real, they thought me a lot… especially when it comes to boundaries, which helps in any relationship… it was a good class,” said a FOCUS for Mothers participant. ​

​To the FOCUS Fatherhood,
 
Back in April 2022, I sent one of my CPS fathers to the FOCUS for Fathers program to take part in your services. When I first met Joe, he had no confidence and would shut down and run away at the slightest hint of a difficult conversation. Joe didn’t believe he had a strong role in his family, and he didn’t have many people that he could turn to for in-person support. In the time that he was with the FOCUS Fatherhood; I saw him flourish!! Joe softened up, became easier to talk to and more open. We went from kicking us (CPS) out of the house to sitting down and communicating with us as to what he wanted for his family, his hopes, and fears, and how he was struggling.

He started to show more confidence and was excited to tell me about everything he was learning. He taught me the difference between control and influence and how he only has the power to control how he thinks and acts, not others. Not only did Joe verbalize what he was learning, he was demonstrating it as well with his wife and daughters!

I witnessed more laughter between him and his wife, a stronger bond between him and his girls, and a happier and safer family. Joe always looked forward to his FOCUS classes and developed a bond with the other men there. I firmly believe that Joe has always been a good man, but I believe it was the FOCUS Fatherhood that helped him see that he was. I got a chance to watch a father and a family grow, and back in August, their CPS case closed with nothing but success!!

​I honestly don’t think we could have had so many positives in this case if it hadn’t been for the FOCUS for Fathers program. Fathers are greatly underappreciated, and it is comforting to know they have men like the FOCUS For Fathers’ facilitators to come alongside them, to build them up, and make our families stronger than before.
 
Take care, Myers
FBSS Specialist IV

​
​“This class helps you to learn more about yourself, to help you deal with anger issues, drug issues, and the baggage we been carrying around since we were kids. So, this class helps you learn how to deal with yourself, so you can deal with your kids and because of that it’s a great class all the way around. I’m becoming a better father and a better husband. My wife has already seen the change in me, and she loves it. We don’t argue near as much. I’ve learned to deal with my stress and my anger issues are gone. I know now that my anger comes from things in my past and I’m learning to let go of it… I didn’t even know it was there. This class helped me look at myself before I look at my kids,” said a FOCUS for Fathers’ participant. “I used to go off at my kids constantly, I did that because that’s what my parents did with me. They were always giving me a whipping, grabbing me, or something like that and I started to do the same things to my kids, and they didn’t need me in that way. I had to break that cycle. I would recommend this class to a lot of people because is not about your kids, it’s about you, we need to learn to deal with ourselves before you can deal with them. That’s just the way I feel about it.”

Fort Worth, Texas. Monday, July 26, 2021 – NewDay Services walks alongside parents, through classes and coaching, with chaplaincy, anger resolution, co-parenting, healthy parenting, mentor navigation, and family services.  NewDay announces today that Dr. Gremmels’ employment will commence on the 26th of July.
 
Dr. Gremmels has over thirty years of experience in optimizing financial operations and the management of company assets, including advising the Board of Directors on organizational activities and overseeing and streamlining daily operations. He has Post-Doctoral Studies from the University of Notre Dame in Executive Leadership Strategies, a Doctorate from Texas Christian University, a Master’s Degree from the University of the South/Seminary of the Southwest, and a Bachelor’s Degree from TCU. Most recently, he was the Director of Mission Development at Forefront Living, which is a top-rated, non-profit, multi-site post-acute provider in Dallas (Medicare 5-Star/US News and World Report, Joint Commission).
 
“We are thrilled to have Dr. Gremmels join NewDay Services to continue the great work being done to strengthen families and empower parents to be parents so that kids can be kids,” said Marc D. Marchand Chairman of the Board for NewDay Services. “As our new Executive Director, we are confident that Dr. Gremmels’ experience and passion for serving others will be a tremendous asset to our services.”
 
“It is with great anticipation and excitement that we welcome our new Executive Director Dr. Gremmels,” said David Larry Eastern Region Coordinator for NewDay Services. “We look forward to working with and learning from his wealth of knowledge and expertise which will help move NewDay Services beyond our current height to meet the needs of more fathers and mothers in their quest to help their children’s lives thrive.”
 
Prior to working with Forefront Living, he served as the Director of Development for Rocky Top
Therapy Center, Executive Director for Healthcare (non-profit), and Trustee for the University of the South in Sewanee, Tennessee. 

​

2021
​Hi, My name is Chelsea McGinnis and this is my NewDay Story.

I would like to share a little bit about my background to paint a clear picture of how my disease of addiction progressed. My mother was very codependent on men. She was married 6 times. My very first memory is when I was 6 years old. My mom and dad got into an argument and I remember my mother saying, "he's not your real father anyway." I was later told my biological father always knew where to find me but didn't want to have anything to do with me. My sisters would get gifts from their paternal grandparents and I was often left out of their family events on holidays.  

Rejection and abandonment were deeply rooted into my psyche at a young age. Domestic violence and verbal abuse were common in our household. I had two sisters very close in age and my mother struggled to maintain a consistent routine through all the screaming and chaos. My mother was collecting child support from three different fathers and we were constantly put in the middle of court disputes. I lacked the social skills to make friends, so I had very few. I didn’t feel like I fit in with any “group” of kids.  I had a void and sought to fill it with attention and validation through grades and achievements. I thought love was something you could “earn.” If only I was smart enough, if only I was “popular” or “pretty” enough. It was never enough. My mother still barely held on to her sanity--the kids still did not include me--I was still “me.”

It was not until I was 16 when my manager at McDonalds bought me my first bottle of Mad Dog 2020. Everything changed. I could not stand to be in my own skin. Alcohol provided that sweet escape I was so desperate for. It gave me the illusion of being the life of the party. I was a blackout drunk when I was a sophomore, and I almost did not graduate high school because of my drinking. I was introduced to meth right before I was about to start college. My addiction took over every aspect of my life.  I was constantly putting myself in dangerous situations with unsavory characters. I would make reckless impulsive decisions that ended up impacting my life forever in such a self-destructive manner.

While using, I got into several relationships based on domestic violence and abuse because that's what I knew and thought I deserved.  I could never live up to the impossible standards I set on myself as a child and for all the failures I was experiencing in my addiction. I was also diagnosed with bi-polar Depression, PTSD and social anxiety disorder. I continued to self-medicate.  I could not stay sober long enough to give the prescribed medication a chance to start working. Guilt, shame, and the cycle of trauma and addiction held me in complete bondage. In 2011, Paula Shockey took me to my very first inpatient treatment for residential women at the Light Program on Ave J back when Recovery Resource Council was TCADA. She planted those very first seeds of hope.  It must have been a challenge because I was suffering from a condition of knowing EVERYTHING and hearing nothing!

My 20-year struggle has included 13 different rehab stays, 4 CPS cases, being arrested several times, and going to prison. CPS had been involved in my life numerous times, but this last time there was no one left to clean up my mess. I had completely alienated myself. I was spiritually, emotionally, and financially bankrupt.  Getting clean to please my family or get my kids back had always been my focus point, but when that fell through, so did my sobriety. The last time CPS intervened, Lincoln was removed from my custody and placed into foster care. I was evicted from my apartment--homeless on the streets of Lancaster.  I ended up on the doorstep of Pine Street with nothing but a suitcase. Allie, a peer support specialist with MHMR was able to secure me a bed for the next morning. She became my peer, and that is how I was introduced to peer services! I do not know where I would be if it was not for her persistence in getting me in rehab that day.

After treatment, I moved into Union Gospel Mission. I participated in the Tarrant County Family Development Credential (FDC) intensive program. At this point, I was willing to do anything to stay sober. I decided to focus on my recovery and leave the custody decision to the judge. My service plan included Community Assessment & Treatment (CAT) Outpatient treatment, Individual counseling, FOCUS parenting classes, psychiatric evaluation, medication management, and so much more! One of the programs that genuinely helped me was Focus for Mothers. FDC helped me to create good habits and provided the accountability I needed for success, but there is a discord and disconnect when involving the court system, CPS and allegations of abuse. I struggled early in the program adjusting to the strict rules and regulations. It was very challenging because my mother passed away from terminal lung cancer and Lincoln was diagnosed with severe level 3 Autism.  Diane and Dawn at NewDay Services supported and encouraged me to believe in myself. I was introduced to assertive communication and taught to advocate for my rights.  The FOCUS class was empowering and uplifting. The course included CPS Navigation, Protocols, how to dress, what to avoid saying…these tools are priceless! Diane stayed with me and became a valued member of my support network during the duration of my CPS case. She attended my Family Meetings and Court Hearings. She believed in me when I did not believe in myself. New Day Services programs center around educating parents which ultimately has a ripple effect on the family unit. They are not just patching up a wound. They are treating the infection.

I was able to obtain gainful employment after being unemployed for over 10 years, get my license back, and buy my first car all before I graduated FDC. I sought a sponsor that had a reputation for working the steps thoroughly. I can honestly say she saved my life. Lincoln is now enrolled in public school in very good ECSC program, a Texas Star Accredited Daycare, he is receiving Intellectual & Developmental Disabilities (IDD) services through MHMR, Occupational Therapy (OT) through Hope Center for Autism, CAP Funding for Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) Therapy through the Autism Center, and is being seen by a DO at the Child Study Center. After graduation I got a job at MHMR and became a certified Recovery Support Peer Specialist. I currently work for Recovery Resource Council, the very agency that planted those very first seeds of hope 15 years ago! Recovery Resource council has programs for permanent supportive housing, substance abuse prevention and assessment, and veteran services, individual counseling, parenting, outpatient treatment, and we recently acquired grant funding for our RSS Peer Support Program. We provide financial rent, utility, childcare assistance, health and wellness, individual coaching, transportation services and much more to our long-term participants.

It is case workers, mentors and social workers employed with agencies like NewDay Services and Recovery Resource that helped me to develop a strong foundation that ultimately made the difference! I am a better mother, friend, sister, and now I am a certified peer support specialist assisting people like me in discovering their true purpose and guiding them through their journey in recovery!

A far cry from where I was 20 years ago.

October 2020 marked 10 years of NewDay Services’ FOCUS for Fathers program service in Denton, Tx. With two ongoing classes, over 1,400 fathers have benefitted from the program, impacting their collective 3,900 children.

Each week, fathers who have been referred to NewDay Services by the state’s Child Protective Services gather (temporarily online in 2020 due to COVID-19) to grow, learn as fathers to create safe and loving homes for their children. Facilitators Joey Fremder and Paul Juarez together with Program Director Bob Robinson lead weekly classes that go beyond basic parenting skills. NewDay’s trauma-informed FOCUS for Fathers curriculum works to address any factors that have happened in the father’s own life that might hinder him from being the father their children need today.

Recently Denton’s program was highlighted in a North Texas Daily article through a story about Paul Juarez’s own journey through fatherhood. The article captures the heart that many FOCUS facilitator’s carry, a heart to see the lives of fathers transformed. 

When father’s graduate, they leave the 10-week program equipped with tools and values to live by. Recently a father named Bill*, who was in the middle of the FOCUS for Fathers course reached out to Bob Robinson. He apologized for calling Bob at home at a late hour. He said he had no one else to talk to. Bob had built a good relationship with him, not only teaching in class, but also calling him each week to check in on him. The two have had some deep conversations and Bill had shared a lot of his struggles with Bob. Bill had a two-year old daughter and he shared that he just found out his girlfriend was unexpectedly pregnant. This news was particularly alarming because due to the recent pandemic, Bill lost his job. With this financial stress in mind, the father and his girlfriend felt overwhelmed, ready to quit and explore other options besides going through with the pregnancy.

Bob was there, on that late-night phone call to encourage him to do the right thing and that God would help him financially get through this. Bill asked Bob to pray with him, bringing peace to his uncertain situation. Bill will graduate in November 2020, gaining not only knowledge and tools to be a better father, but also with mentors who are in his corner as he fights through life’s battles.

Over the last 10 years of this Denton fatherhood program, over a thousand fathers like Bill have also gained the support they need to succeed in their journeys. Joey, Paul, Bob and the many volunteers who serve, have created real avenues for change in the lives of at-risk fathers. Here’s to an impactful 10 year in Denton, and to many more fathers and their families that will benefit from this program.
 

 
*name changed to protect identity of participating father

Written by Elizabeth Badgley, FOCUS for Mothers Graduate
​
"I first came to FOCUS for Mothers because I was working towards my reunification goal on my CPS case plan. When I first received my services in March of 2018, I was overwhelmed. I was homeless and living in the woods behind the Marshall Grain building. Later, I went to a shelter, but it wasn't much better. I had no idea how the process worked and I had little hope. I started working services but relapsed shortly after starting. I was ashamed to admit that I needed help, so I ghosted on my visitation and my caseworker. I was in a very dark place. Things started to change for me when I found out that I was pregnant in August of 2017. To my surprise, Matt from Safe Babies* reached out to me the following October. I was just honest with him and told him that I had relapsed , which caused me to skip out on the program. Without hesitation, I was offered a second chance at my service plan. I knew I had to work my service plan if I had any hope of keeping my new baby.


I started FOCUS for Mothers with NewDay Services in October of 2018 and the only thing I regret most was not starting it sooner. Immediately, I felt welcomed. Most importantly, I was given a plan that laid out the court system. This plan gave me a better understanding of the system. I truly believe that If I would have started these classes sooner I probably wouldn’t have relapsed. One thing I learned in FOCUS for Mothers was that none of the ladies in the class were bad mothers. This helped me move past some of the shame I was holding on to. Thanks to Safe Babies and New Day Services, I continue to maintain a relationship with my daughter’s foster family.


The Circle of Control was the best thing I ever learned. It sounds so simple, but FOCUS helped us put it into practice, and I still use those skills to this day. FOCUS for Mothers also hooked me up with some really great services. For example, flyers for the Ladder Alliance Basic Computer Skills Training Class were handed out in class. I’m sure you guys think nobody ever reads those handouts, but I enrolled in that program after I graduated FOCUS and won a computer by completing the class with honors.


I had my son in May of 2019. I had completed all of my other services, so I decided to put that computer to use and enroll in Online classes through Tarrant County College. I continued working my way through the court system. Through the mess of having a newborn, completing college classes online, stressful court dates, and CPS visitation I remembered that Circle of Control. I earned an invitation to the Beta Chi Zeta Chapter of the Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society (PTK). I served as the public relations officer of my chapter during the fall of 2019. I was awarded full custody and they closed my CPS case on the same day I was inducted into PTK. I now serve as the Chapter President. I have come leaps and bounds since completing my FOCUS classes. I am now a thriving student leader. I am nearing completion of my associate's degree. I will be transferring to UTA next fall where I will pursue a BSW with Minor in Substance Abuse Counseling. My ultimate goal is to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I want to help women who struggle with issues like trauma and substance abuse.

​
If there is anything that the other ladies working through this process should know, it’s that they can re-write their narrative, too. Focus for Mothers can be just a stepping stone to a new life if they are willing to put the work in."


Elizabeth is a second chance-taker. Are you?

* ​Safe Babies, a First 3 Years initiative, seeks to lessen the long-term impact of neglect, increase the likelihood of reunification, and ensure policies that guide the movement of infants and toddlers in the child welfare system are developmentally informed in Tarrant and Dallas Counties.

​For more information: https://first3yearstx.org/safebabies/

Dear Mom,

Here’s why I need you to stop the self-doubt and be more confident in your parenting abilities!

ONE: The value you see in yourself is setting an example of the value your children will see in themselves!
​
Children are always watching their parents and what they are doing. Parents are constantly setting an example of self-value for their little-ones. In fact, a mother from one of our FOCUS for Mothers classes recently shared her story with about her journey to find her self-value again. It wasn’t long before she realized how this journey was also an inspiration to her child.
Here’s what she had to say, “All my life, I was told that my worth was dependent on the type of husband I found, how good of a homemaker I could be, and so forth. So, when I lost all of that, my life essentially crumbled. I didn’t know my purpose or worth in life besides trying to hold it together for my kids. It wasn’t until I came here to FOCUS that I realized my value isn’t contingent on the people around me or how good I was at what I did. My value is based on that fact that I am a human being on this earth. When I realized that no one could take my value away from me, I carried myself with more confidence and I did things with more purpose! And you know what the best thing was? My children noticed my change in rhythm. My littlest one came up to me and said, “Mommy is prettiest when she’s happy and smiling and I want to be like mommy when I grow up”. That was the moment everything clicked for me. Yes, I was still living my life but everything I did wasn’t so myself anymore, it was also for my children. And that meant I wanted to show them that no one could ever take their value away.”
Mom, remember that it’s essential to possess the traits you want your children to have within yourself! You can’t pass on something you don’t have!

TWO: That listening and guiding you’re doing with your kids -- keep it up because it’s making all the difference in their lives!

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard by a parent is no matter how right you were with your child, never say “I told you so”. Those words only cut off any conversation and stunt relationship building opportunities!
Some of the mothers in our FOCUS class share time and time again how taking the time to talk to their children had made all the difference in their communication and relationship now.
One mom stood out in particular. She said, “I’ve been warning my oldest daughter to be careful of the friends she hangs out with because they weren’t the best of friends to her. I was explaining to her how the drugs they were doing was a hard no and to see if she could find other friends that weren’t into drugs. Of course, she ignored my warning until I got a call from the school that she had been picked up for possession of drugs. I drove up to the police stations and there in the back sits my daughter, just bawling her eyes out. When I asked her what happened, she said those drugs weren’t hers and she was holding them for her “friend” because she didn’t want her to get in trouble. But she didn’t want to get in trouble either. I bit my tongue and instead of saying, “I told you so,” I asked her, “what should you do now?” And to my surprise, she told me that she thinks it’s best to tell the police the truth. From that day on, our communication was more transparent than it has ever been!”

THREE: Keep setting those strong healthy boundaries for your children and teach them that their boundaries are also very important!

Boundaries are not only important for you, but also your kids! Boundaries help keep you from stretching yourself too thin and prevents burn out. You can’t give 100% of yourself to your kids while you keep pouring out, but don’t get poured back in yourself!
Without boundaries, mothers and their children tolerate ill treatment by others impacting personal safety. Teaching your kids to say “No” and not feel guilty about it, is such an empowering boundary, especially when your child knows something is wrong.
Another FOCUS for Mothers mom shared in class that she had been teaching her 4-year-old daughter what safe touches were and what not safe touches were. The mom also told her daughter that if someone tries to give her not-safe touches that she needs to yell, “No!”, go tell an adult, and remember that it’s okay to say no when someone makes you feel unsafe. About a month after that she taught her daughter this, her daughter came home and said that an older boy had touched her inappropriately and that she yelled “no!” and ran to tell a teacher. The mom said, “I’ve never been so torn in my life. There’s a part of me that is so glad I taught her those boundaries and what to do when someone crosses it, but I never expected it to actually happen to her.” She was so glad that she re-enforced with her child that NO means NO!
 
All-in-all, remember this: Keep doing what you are doing, Mom, because it definitely is working! Remember when those self-doubts start to creep in, that you are being the best mom you can be for your children!
 
Love,
Marie Luong, Your Local Cheerleader

Have you ever looked up in life and asked yourself, “How did I get here? How did things get so messed up?”

Many who find themselves asking these question are facing family break-ups. Whether you are the one that initiates the break-up or not, at some point both parties experience the “this is not what I signed up for moment.” The question then turns from, "How did I get here" to, “now what?”

When you have children, this question is extremely important. How you answer this will truly effect your children for the rest of their lives.

As a chaplain in the Family Courts of Tarrant County for over 15 years here are a few tips I have collected over the years for those that find themselves in the middle of a family break up.

Tip 1. Do not trust your emotions.
When an individual experiences a life changing event such as a family break up, emotions will run wild. Basing life choices on emotions will unavoidably lead to destructive outcomes. Avoid making snap decisions. Often situations will come up where you feel like you have to make a decision on a whim. Rarely is it true that a decision is required immediately. Give yourself time to look at your options and get proper counsel. Be sure to use all of the tools available to you when making choices that affect you and your children.  

Tip 2. Build a support system.
When going through a family break up, you and your children’s world has changed. Often you have to move, your friends have been polarized, and your world has becomes seemingly so different.  The temptation will be to isolate and go through it on your own, thinking “I don’t want to bother my friends and family.” Wrong! Be intentional about building a healthy support system. Chances are, the people in your life want to support you through this difficult time. Find a divorce recovery group, reach out to professionals, and access social service providers. You are not alone and there are people out there who want to help.

Tip 3. Understand the purpose of the court system.
The Family Courts are not designed to punish. The Family Courts are designed to create orders that govern the family during a family break up and enforce orders by providing consequences when orders are not followed.  This is a slow, cumbersome, and often expensive process. The Family Courts employ a social worker to conduct family studies designed to provide information to the judge. Because the court system is designed as an adversarial system, parties are often exposed to hearings or trails that bring up uncomfortable information about the inner workings of your once private family business. Neither of the individuals involved in the family break up emerges without mud on them, making Co-Parenting their child even more difficult. The children become the victims because their parents often make it about winning and losing instead of prioritizing the well-being of the child. This results in damage to the children’s emotional and physical health.

Damage to children can be minimized if parents will refrain from making emotional decisions, build and healthy support systems, and work to minimize the court room litigation by working to resolve issues through mediation or counseling.

If you have questions regarding the topic of this article, please comment below or email [email protected]. 

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that…
In hopes of what?

For many of the nearly 11,000 North Texas children in foster care each year, they have often come from homes where there was no Christmas, no hope.  They have come from environments where there may have been no presents, no tree, no joy or love.  Then they are placed in a foster home surrounded by people who may be strangers to them, laughing, sharing their family traditions, and having fun. 

The day is a stark reminder that they are not with their families and often, 37% of the time, separated from their siblings.  They may even feel guilty that the foster family is having such a wonderful time when their biologic parents and brothers/sister may not be. The average child is removed from their home and placed in foster care for 20 months (8% of them wait over five years) and the average wait time for adoption is another 34 months.  This a very stressful and emotional time for everyone involved.
 
These foster children feel like they are in a temporary situation with a temporary family and can’t wait for their parents to get their lives straightened out.    That is where NewDay Services comes in.
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For nearly 23 years, NewDay has been helping parents restore their families by empowering them with the tools and life coaching to redirect their lives and be reunified with their children.
NewDay’s Healthy Parenting Programs work because we demonstrate care for moms, dads and their families, change hearts, and provide redemptive opportunities through engagement, coaching and encouragement.
 
NewDay gives these parents and their children hope.  We give parents the hope that they can overcome the struggles and poor choices to create a stable, safe and loving home for children who are desperately hopeful and waiting to be reunited with the parents they know, need and want.
 
Like you, we understand the crucial need for every child to have love, care, safety and stability.  This Christmas, as you share your own family traditions, please think of all the families that are in crisis.  Together we can make a difference in the lives of these children.  We can restore hope. 

Fathers have a tremendous impact on the character traits developed in their children. While every child is born with a personality that makes them uniquely them. As they develop, character traits are “infused” from the people closest to them in their lives. There is a strong difference between personality and character.
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Personality, by definition, is a person’s natural inclination to do or respond in certain ways. Kids may be born with a funny, more outgoing personality. Or maybe they are more naturally introverted, serious, or analytical. These traits are ingrained in their DNA, and they naturally lean toward these tendencies.  Character traits, on the other hand, have more to do with the values that motivate attitudes and behaviors. These traits provide a person the sense of right or wrong morally.
When raising our children, we desire our kids to have quality characteristics like these:
                Honesty                               Hard working                    Perseverance
                Compassionate                Generous                            Loving
                Integrity                               Resilient                              Spiritual
                Loyal                                     Caring                                  Responsible
                Respectful                          Kind                                      Courageous
 
We would all be proud to raise a child with those traits. How can we do our part to make that happen? Here are a few things I have learned along the way raising my own children:

Children will be no greater than the role model that has demonstrated character traits to them.
As a father, you want to set the level of the character traits that are developed. Your life and your influence will infuse these character traits.
To put it another way, if you want your child to have high integrity, then you have to demonstrate integrity in your life. If you want your kid to have perseverance, then you have to show them what that looks like. For example, you can demonstrate perseverance when you have failures. Show them by not giving up, getting back in the game, choosing not to blame others, or wallowing in pity.   If you say, “I just want my kids to be better than me” you are kidding yourself.  YOU HAVE TO BE BETTER THAN YOU! They are a sponge and will soak up who you are and your character traits. Talk is cheap, show them by your life. It is not about what you say, but what you do.

SHOW, don’t tell them.
How, you ask? Spend time with them. Don’t say “go and play with your friends” while you have to work to do. Take them with you to Home Depot. Have them help you work on the car.  Let them paint an inside wall with you. Does it take more time to paint a wall with a 5 year old helping you or doing it by yourself? Of course it does! But it is those times that your kids soak up who you are and your character traits.  They will cherish those moments throughout their lives.

Look for “teachable moments” to demonstrate character traits in your own life.
These happen daily in your life. For example, if you hit a car backing up in a parking lot, leave a note with your information instead of driving away. They are watching to see if you have integrity! Be an INTENTIONAL role model to them.
 
Dad, I will leave you with this: your children want to be just like you. You are their hero. Live your life and demonstrate good character traits for THEM. They will soak those traits up from you like a sponge. How you live your life is a direct template for how they will live theirs. They are watching you, be the adult you want your child to become!
 
P.S. This topic is explored by fathers just like you in week eight of our FOCUS for Fathers classes. Consider joining me for a series as part of your own development as a great dad. Give is a call and we can make it happen! 817.926.9499